69 & feelin' fine: how to do mutual oral sex without looking/feeling like an idiot

What is 69?

69 is a classic position which allows both partners to give and receive oral sex at the same time. Woohoooo!

It's a move that divides men and women - a whole lot think it's super hot, and the rest think it's a pain in the ass, and awkward as fuck. Getting a faceful of your partner's junk is a totally all-encompassing experience, like a visit to the most awesome, sexual, 5D Imax cinema ever.

It's true that perfecting the 69 takes a bit of effort, but it's well worth it - it's one of the rare forms of 'foreplay' or non-penetrative sex that stimulates both partners at once.

So here are my tips for making 69-ing more of an amazing sexual experience and less of a painful game of twister:

 
Talk about it
This is pretty much my advice for EVERYTHING to do with sex and sexual health. Communication is the key to having great sex and looking after yourself and your partner. And this totally applies to 69-ing, perhaps even more so than some other sex acts.

Firstly, it's important to talk to your partner because some people don't like giving and/or receiving oral sex, and they may be uncomfortable with the whole idea of doing both at the same time.

Secondly, talking about doing it allows both partners to get themselves ready - some may want to do some hair removal, have a shower or even just go to the bathroom before diving straight in.

Lastly, there are some logistics involved in 69-ing without someone ending up injured/suffocated. This isn't just something you can launch yourself into without warning your partner, as it requires some cooperation, especially in regards to getting yourselves in the right positions.....


Positions
Don't try to get too porntastic with your positions. Neither of you need to be flipped completely upside down and inside out to have an awesome 69, I promise. Here are 3 surefire winners:

1. Girl on top - If you're having sex with a guy, this is a winner winner chicken dinner if you want to have control over how deep to take him and how much contact he has with you. If you're having sex with a girl, take turns on top! Yay!

2. Guy on top - If you're having sex with a guy, in this position he has more control over how deep he goes, the pace and angles etc. So sometimes you'll need to communicate if it's uncomfortable, too deep, you can't breathe... you know, the simple pleasures in life. As above, if you're having guy-on-guy action, take turns on top! Hooray!

For both of these options one of you can have your head hanging off the end of the bed/couch with the other person in a bent over standing position, miley cyrus twerkin style.

3. Side-by-side: maximum comfort, minimum effort. For the ladies, hike your leg up in a bent position like a ballerina, with your foot resting on your othe knee, to give your partner access-all-areas. Guys can do the same, which is particularly useful if you want to include his balls and/or ass in the fun.

Bonus tip: add pillows under any body bits that are getting sore (heads, necks, butts, legs. chuck a pillow anywhere you want!)


 Extra bits:
 - Use protection. You know the deal - Condoms and dams and lube, oh my!

 - Toys: add a vibrator for extra fun. If you're using protection (or have both been STI tested and are clean as whistles), you can share the vibrator. A great option is a small one, preferably with a smooth and slim design, so it doesn't get in the way (like this awesome one here). Guys can tend to be a bit scared of using vibrators, so one that doesn't look like a giant schlong can be a great starter!

 - Read their body: You lose that eye contact connection with 69-ing, mainly because you are faced with a wall of genital. Because you lose those visual clues that tell you if you're partner is loving it or hating it, pay attention to the way their body moves and how they're responding physically to different techniques. And don't be afraid to take a breather and ask them if they're enjoying it - just because you're not looking at each other, doesn't mean you shouldn't make sure everything's sweet.

Remember: 69-ing is not for everyone. It can be a lot of work and feel pretty awkward, and some people just don't like giving & receiving at the same time (look, we can't all be multi-taskers). Give it a whirl and if you and/or your partner aren't keen on it, there are plenty more sex positions in the ocean.

Oral sex school

Ahh oral, one of the most under-rated sex acts. Unfortunately we're not taught how to perform or receive oral, so most of us just flop our tongues around thinking it’s some annoying preface to the main event.  But oral sex can be so much more when you have the time, skills and desire. So here are my 6 main tips for awesome oral sex.

Sweeten the deal

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A lot of complaints from both men and women go a bit like this: “I don’t like the taste/smell of my partner’s bits”. Well, here’s some ways to sweeten their junk and make the experience more pleasant for the both of you!

-          Suggest a sexy shower for the two of you, especially if you’ve had a long day. Wash away your troubles (along with that musty scent), before you get down to it. There’s no need to douche or wash yourself too intensely, but a quick rinse does wonders.

-          Eat more fruit! The old ‘pineapple sweetens your jizz’ trick is not that far from the truth. A healthy diet, as well as limited intake of alcohol and cigarettes, can affect the smell and taste of your fluids! So remember, an apple a day keeps the funk away.  

-          Buy some fun lubes – you can get chocolate or fruit flavoured and delicious-smelling ones too. Make sure you avoid those with sugar in them (or any types of food – chocolate sauce is not for the vag or the penis!), as these can cause thrush, a nasty discharge which is caused when the natural balance of the vagina is thrown out of whack.

Take your time

A lot of people (guys, I’m looking at you) think that foreplay is a waste of time and just can’t wait to get into the ‘real sex’. Well, I’m telling you – oral is your best way to get your partner super keen & wet for penetration, rack up some brownie points, and probably your best shot at giving her an orgasm. Regardless of whether you’re performing oral on a guy or a girl, take it slowly, try to really tune into what they’re enjoying and what’s working for them, and bask in the fact that you’re making them feel really, really good.

Work your way to the middle

Don’t think you need go straight for the centre of the action (the clitoris or penis). A bit of suspense is never a bad thing, so start at less sensitive and often ignored parts of the body, then work your way towards the holy grail. Think about the stomach, arms, chest and thighs, and don’t forget the lips and face. Kissing and touching any of these areas is likely to get them raring to go. Then you can think about moving towards the pubic bone, balls, outer vaginal lips (labia majora), and ass. And finally, when you get to the clitoris & penis, all that build-up will be worth it.

Avoid the pearly whites

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No chomping, biting or nipping, unless the other person tells you that’s how they want it! Not only is it super uncomfortable, but you risk making small cuts in the skin, which increases the risk of sexually transmissible infections (such as herpes & gonorrhoea) and blood borne viruses (such as Hep C & HIV). So, try to wrap your lips around your teeth a little more, and keep those gnashing movements for the dinner table.

Learn to multi-task

Don’t just focus on using your tongue, lips & mouth – get some other bits n pieces in on the action! Use your hands and fingers aswell (just make sure they’re nicely lubed up), or even bring a vibrator into the mix. It can be used on and around the clitoris, as well as on the scrotum, or on the perineum (the bit of skin between the balls/vagina and the anus – it’s full of nerve endings and super sensitive!). You can also use it to penetrate the vagina or ass while continuing on with your oral skillz.

Communicaaaaaaate!

I know I sound like a broken record on this one, but it really is the key to success with any kind of sex and any kind of partner. And I don’t mean you have to break into D&Ms in the middle of the fun stuff, but just make sure you ask them “how does that feel?”, or “do you want me to go higher/lower/faster/slower/harder/softer?”, or “show me where you want me to start”. If you feel uncomfortable talking about sex, you can communicate by making different sounds, touching, moving the other persons head/hand/fingers/bits, and moving your body in different ways. Don’t be afraid to try new things and see, feel & hear how your partner responds.

The other part of this equation is being able to LISTEN. Don’t be offended if your partner tells you something doesn’t feel good, or to do something differently. Be honoured and take those gems of info on board! You will improve your technique and they will improve their chances of orgasm. Everyone’s a winner.