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Monday 15 September 2014

Sex after....?

Hi everyone,

HUGE apologies that I've been a bit invisible recently. This year I have taken on a new role at work, completed almost 3 courses (including my Diploma of Counselling so I can start work in private practice as a sex therapist) and, most recently, got married!
So, it's been a bit crazy.

That said, I'm super keen to continue this blog, and have had an idea for a series of posts. With all the changes going on in my own life, there's been a lot of talk around me about 'sex after marriage'. But as I'm only a week into my own marriage, I don't know whether I'm super qualified to talk about it yet.

So I need help from all of you! Have you had an event in your life which has changed your sex life? I'm thinking of a range of experiences such as:
 - Surgery
 - Childbirth
 - Illness / Accident
 - Divorce / Break-up (ex sex)
 - Cheating / Infidelity (either as the person that cheated or was cheated on)
 - Grief (death of a loved one)
 - Sex work (either as an ex-sex worker or someone who has used a sex worker)
 - Marriage
 - Addiction (drug & alcohol)
 - Depression / mental health concerns
 - any other experiences you can think of.

Please comment below if you would like to contribute to any of these stories, or send me an email to giverny.lewis@gmail.com


xx

Monday 3 February 2014

Have you watched porn with your partner?


Have you tried to watch pornography with your partner and dissolved into a fit of giggles? Have you given it a go and found it really super awkward? or did you think it was a huge turn-on and now incorporate it regularly into your sex life?

I'm writing an article for Cosmo magazine about how to watch porn with your partner, and exploring other's experiences - and I'd love to hear about yours!

Interested in hearing from all women who are happy to briefly share their experience - please comment below (anonymously, if you like) with the low-down!

x

Friday 3 January 2014

69 & feelin' fine: how to do mutual oral sex without looking/feeling like an idiot

What is 69?

69 is a classic position which allows both partners to give and receive oral sex at the same time. Woohoooo!

It's a move that divides men and women - a whole lot think it's super hot, and the rest think it's a pain in the ass, and awkward as fuck. Getting a faceful of your partner's junk is a totally all-encompassing experience, like a visit to the most awesome, sexual, 5D Imax cinema ever.

It's true that perfecting the 69 takes a bit of effort, but it's well worth it - it's one of the rare forms of 'foreplay' or non-penetrative sex that stimulates both partners at once.

So here are my tips for making 69-ing more of an amazing sexual experience and less of a painful game of twister:

 
Talk about it
This is pretty much my advice for EVERYTHING to do with sex and sexual health. Communication is the key to having great sex and looking after yourself and your partner. And this totally applies to 69-ing, perhaps even more so than some other sex acts.

Firstly, it's important to talk to your partner because some people don't like giving and/or receiving oral sex, and they may be uncomfortable with the whole idea of doing both at the same time.

Secondly, talking about doing it allows both partners to get themselves ready - some may want to do some hair removal, have a shower or even just go to the bathroom before diving straight in.

Lastly, there are some logistics involved in 69-ing without someone ending up injured/suffocated. This isn't just something you can launch yourself into without warning your partner, as it requires some cooperation, especially in regards to getting yourselves in the right positions.....


Positions
Don't try to get too porntastic with your positions. Neither of you need to be flipped completely upside down and inside out to have an awesome 69, I promise. Here are 3 surefire winners:

1. Girl on top - If you're having sex with a guy, this is a winner winner chicken dinner if you want to have control over how deep to take him and how much contact he has with you. If you're having sex with a girl, take turns on top! Yay!

2. Guy on top - If you're having sex with a guy, in this position he has more control over how deep he goes, the pace and angles etc. So sometimes you'll need to communicate if it's uncomfortable, too deep, you can't breathe... you know, the simple pleasures in life. As above, if you're having guy-on-guy action, take turns on top! Hooray!

For both of these options one of you can have your head hanging off the end of the bed/couch with the other person in a bent over standing position, miley cyrus twerkin style.

3. Side-by-side: maximum comfort, minimum effort. For the ladies, hike your leg up in a bent position like a ballerina, with your foot resting on your othe knee, to give your partner access-all-areas. Guys can do the same, which is particularly useful if you want to include his balls and/or ass in the fun.

Bonus tip: add pillows under any body bits that are getting sore (heads, necks, butts, legs. chuck a pillow anywhere you want!)


 Extra bits:
 - Use protection. You know the deal - Condoms and dams and lube, oh my!

 - Toys: add a vibrator for extra fun. If you're using protection (or have both been STI tested and are clean as whistles), you can share the vibrator. A great option is a small one, preferably with a smooth and slim design, so it doesn't get in the way (like this awesome one here). Guys can tend to be a bit scared of using vibrators, so one that doesn't look like a giant schlong can be a great starter!

 - Read their body: You lose that eye contact connection with 69-ing, mainly because you are faced with a wall of genital. Because you lose those visual clues that tell you if you're partner is loving it or hating it, pay attention to the way their body moves and how they're responding physically to different techniques. And don't be afraid to take a breather and ask them if they're enjoying it - just because you're not looking at each other, doesn't mean you shouldn't make sure everything's sweet.

Remember: 69-ing is not for everyone. It can be a lot of work and feel pretty awkward, and some people just don't like giving & receiving at the same time (look, we can't all be multi-taskers). Give it a whirl and if you and/or your partner aren't keen on it, there are plenty more sex positions in the ocean.