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Friday 9 August 2013

The Red Bedding: Sex During Menstruation

SIDENOTE: If you don't get the Game of Thrones reference in that title, you should be ashamed. 



There's a point in every relationship where the topic of sex during menstruation comes up. Usually it's when you've planned a sexy long weekend away, or you've got the house to yourselves, and you're both incredibly horny. Those moments where you're both really keen to make the most of it, but it's something you've never discussed.... do you take the plunge in sex during menstruation or not?


Firstly, you'll notice I avoid using the term 'period sex' - I steer clear of this title because I think it makes out that the sex is dominated by the fact that there's the possibility of some menstrual blood. However, sex when there's a menstruating vagina involved can be completely normal, pleasurable and CLEAN!

In many cultures (inc. Western culture), menstrual blood is seen as dirty. Women are told to keep it hidden away, make sure they don't leak/smell/show any signs of a normal reproductive cycle. Lots of you will probably want to your fingers in your ears and "LA LA LAAAA, I CAN'T HEAR YOU" at the very mention of sex with flo, and that's totally fine. But some of you will be interested in giving it a whirl, and that's why I wrote this article.

There's something empowering about sex during your period. It says "YEP, my body is fucking amazing. My vagina is a whole incredible reproductive system, not just a hole". Many women report being hornier during their period, and lots feel duped out of almost a week of lovin' when them or their partner is riding the cotton pony. Well, be duped no more!

Sex during your period can help reduce cramps and premenstrual/menstrual tension, for realz. The contractions of the cervix and uterus can soothe those cranky tummies, so you can throw away that chocolate! (Well, not quite). It can also bring you and your partner closer, through experiencing your totes normal bodily functions in a whole new way and needing to communicate to make sure you're safe and happy throughout the whole process. Yet another awesome thing to consider is that there's very little chance of a resulting pregnancy! (There still is a small chance, so consider using contraception or natural family planning methods like withdrawal). However, if you're trying to conceive, it's probs not the best time to try....& you may need to consult your ovulation chart a little longer.


TIPS FOR AWESOME SEX DURING MENSTRUATION: 

Shower before or during! If you don't like shower sex, it can be nice to have a quick wash before you jump each other. Not only will it leaving you feeling warm and sexy but it will also help wash away any dried blood and interesting smells that might be making you feel worried.

Get turned on. The natural lubrication process of the vagina will slow or even stop the flow of menstrual blood (yep, our bodies are pretty fucking smart). And if not, the blood will actually make penetration easier and smoother.

Keep a towell handy, especially if you're not at home or don't want to spend the next 3 days making good friends with the washing machine. But really, the vagina only loses about 35 mls of blood (just over a standard shot glass full) during menstruation, so there's really not going to be a whole gush. And, seriously, we do a lot of messier things voluntarily. Shit, this aint got nothing on Tough Mudder.

Use a diaphragm or menstrual cup if you're super worried about any blood. It will help keep the blood contained, as long as you make sure you're not going for massively deep penetration which will likely dislodge the contraceptive.

As always, be safe. There's a higher risk of HIV infection when menstrual blood is present, so make sure you take the necessary precautions (get tested! use condoms! communicate/be honest with each other!). If you're having penetrative intercourse with a penis or toy, use a condom! If you're fingering and want to use a glove - go for it! Oral sex? Try a dental dam! There's heaps of ways to make things less messy and safer for both of you.

NO DEAL?


Some of you will still have your fingers firmly planted in your ears. Not keen on sex during menstruation? That's cool too. Everyone involved needs to be comfortable with it, otherwise it aint no good for nobody. I've read a whole lot of feminist articles which suggest that 'a man who won't have sex with you on your period is no man'. Firstly, women have sex with women too. Secondly, everyone has their likes & dislikes. Thirdly, I don't want my value as a woman to rest on what I will or won't do sexually, and I wouldn't put those expectations on anyone, especially not my male friends or sexual partners.

So, if you and/or your partner are not interested in riding the crimson tide, take the opportunity to reconnect with some non-sexual touching, completely sexual touching that doesn't include your vag, or to just focus on your partner for a while. Or consider some other options for contraception which mean you don't have to worry about any periods at all! Woo! Bottom line is: do what feels good. x

And, just for shits & giggles, this made me lol:



2 comments:

  1. Love your blog. The first time my partner and I had sex was on the first day of a heavy period. I was really worried that he would decline, but very turned on when he didn't have a problem with it, as previous boyfriends had.

    Word of warning though: a friend had sex on her period without a condom because it was only a very light flow. She now has a 1-year old baby... so be careful, kids!

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